i dance...bitch!

more wine! (white wine). this is all in a very fancy english accent. so, not dance but more like "I DONSE, BITCH". you can say it with attitude, and then you demand there be more wine, and you're so fancy that it must be white wine so you get a little tummy ache before you even get any kind of tipsy and you're all like "aww my lil tummy is SOOO ouchin' right now" and you realize that you shouldn't be all demanding white wine, cuz what you're really demanding a poop explosion. you know about it.

i'm like totally extreme

i purchased a 24 pack of surge at a very high bid on ebay, and yesterday i shotgunned a can WHILE skydiving. i know you're thinking like, "hey that doesn't seem that hard." well let me ask you this: sure, you've shotgunned beers before, but have you ever tried to shot gun soda? it's actually a very difficult task. i'm not really that into soda in the first place, but yesterday i really felt like living on the edge, (i mean like totally big time) that i figured i would be able to handle the incredible rush of sugar in a bunch of carbonated shit. then, i was like - well if i'm going to consume all this sugar, i totally need to skydive. i didn't realize how expensive it was to skydive, but they gave me a discount and a high five for what i was about to try, and it was definitely worth it. let me tell you, like i said, shotgunning soda in general is difficult, not to mention a soda that is as extreme as surge, but to attempt to hold the can level and also then shotgun it - is pretty much an impossible task. to be honest, i just ended up getting really sticky, because after poking the hole, and then opening the can, all the soda just came shooting out of the top. oh well. i bet it looked funny anyway!

how do you learn a story?

i would say the best (and way i prefer) to learn a story, is to read a book while listening to that book on tape, and using my hands for sock puppets. they eat the pages to turn the pages ,and it's a full three dimensional experience. when the sock puppets (which are my hands) turn the pages, they make a high-pitched, unnecessary and overly goofy little voices of "mmmmmmm!" like they really think that page is tasting really good while they're turning the pages, and that part kind of gets annoying after a while cuz' we're like "yeah, yeah we know..." and you kinda get jealous because then you try it, eating the paper yourself is not nearly as good as the sock puppet makes it sound. or you could watch a movie with sub titles.

i bet looking cool is awesome

i think one of the most important things in life, is to look cool when doing things. though, there's a problem. how do you know that you are looking cool when you are doing things? the best way to find out if you look cool in EVERYTHING you do, is to have a camera strapped to your head and out a bit so you can get a good angle and see yourself doing said cool thing from an outside perspective, and at a decent angle. then after you hook all this shit up, you realize "god dammit it is impossible to look cool while wearing this dumb ass shit." you are able to record and study whether or not you look cool, but it is impossible to look cool. so you are studying something that you already know the answer to. what a pain in the ass.

but then again, you always look cool in shades:

(for the uniformed that i am her to inform, those are digital camera sunglasses - nothing is cooler than sunglasses....and nothing is cooler than digital, and less things are cooler than camera.)

lane lines hopping by me as large white rabbits
who wave as they scoot under my tires.
i slowly begin to merge to the middle, as i morph into pacman.
i'm going to score all the points.
i'm going to get the cherry.
the cherry that is on my sword.
the sword is in the backseat and is aimed at my heart
and as i fly off the edge
i will smile knowing
that when i land,
the cherry will replace my heart
so that i can bleed a sundae in which i invite you all to eat!

werewolve’s electricity go drippity drip

I can just picture my face as the small bit of smoke rises. What was so cold in my mouth, is now warm, and my face has that smile as if i just found the answer to a difficult equation. And i did. No, of course, not yet. Though, I constantly am getting this light electrical buzz, on the right side of my head, just above and back beyond my ear. It's like an electric melting. Is it an itch? Is it asking for something? An itch to be scratched? Or to meet a silver bullet? A silver bullet finally coming face to face with some electrical melting seems almost like a story meant to happen, wouldn't you agree? I turn my head to the right, and can feel electricity dripping down the side. I found it strange at first, and wondered if i should worry about it, but now i realize it is not important, and i'm not sure why i have typed about it.

eagle diamonds

i was just looking at wallets online at urban's site. i don't know why. seems like a silly thing to do after the fact. i've had the same wallet since i was 16, and i used to have a huge chain connected to it. recently i got what the cashier at the new Tibet store, on hennepin, referred to as a "purse", and have been using it for a wallet. though the colors are kind of bleeding. i don't think it's made to be in a spot with that much moisture. anyway. i may need a new wallet. shopping online for one seems silly though. because really, you need to hold it in your hands and see if you will be able to pull out certain cards quickly or not, and if you're able to place your cash back neatly into it, or if you find yourself just kinda stuffing it in as a big wad of wrinkly cash. that's what this wallet has been having me do lately. i still try to keep it organized - the bigger bills in the back etc...but it's no use - wrinkled wads come and go. oh yeah. that just reminded me, after looking up wallets - i checked out vests. thought that it'd be funny to start wearing vests. after about 5 minutes of looking at this one page of vests. i realized. it wouldn't be funny at all. i cannot wear a vest. man, that'd be weird. then i was wondering if you'd able to find high fashion life-vests. you know, like a life vest that's made out of pure diamonds. that would so make sense. you'd just blind the shit out of an eagle, if you went canoeing. that would cause the eagle to take a 2nd look at you and it'll be like "whoah! those are diamonds!" and you hear him, and whisper "the diamonds are all here, eagle. they're all here..." (as you're tapping on the chest of your life preserver)and it's all "wtf?"

so i'm at work - and i just got a call - and i verified it was the debtor that i was needing to talk to - and i opened as to what the call was for, and she just set the phone down and left. all i could hear was this intense, (and i mean seriously screaming and yelling intense) preacher going at it, on the tv or her radio. he was really meaning what he said. he went on and on "do you belive it?!! DO YOU BELIEVE IT?!!!" the crowd was going wild.

i was thinking, if a goth kid's going to finally decide to party - they should show up at the party with the greatest entrance someone can. they could wear a t-shirt that say's "hell's a rager" - and waltz into the party announcing that they are ready for the ultimate party and blow themselves away after they say "it's time to party!". and let me tell you! partying that hard is something that you can only do once! it's how goth turns to shock rock.

Nature is COOL

i love the land of nature. i love the laws of nature. which is completely strange. because i hate laws! "fuck you guvna!" (english). i was walking with nature yesterday. the trees were all singing this weird low "ahhh..." tune. basically, they totally ripped off Liars. i found the rabbit hole. turns out no warping was allowed. i didn't have the key, and it was only a tree. (as you will see). well look at those rhymes. (how silly of me).

the trees were total hippies. giving me peace signs, and i was wondering why they would spend so much time doing that, but one said they really didn't have much else to do and it was a comforting sign, and not of a negative vibe. you see i found out that i had these magical sunglasses, and i could place them on anything alive or dead and they would speak to me! really they would only say delightful things. "good afternoon!" "the sun is smiling today, isn't it sir?" i could do nothing but agree whole heartedly. but now....it's running late. i hope my bike wasn't stolen while i was gone. it's time for happy hours and patios! but the patios are still closed, because it's "sunny and 70 degrees inside" as they claimed. i found this to be a lie.

here's the proof!

our lives are rich in soda

it's a long story as to how it came to this, but last night i ended up with two other dudes ramsacking a gas station at gunpoint. the whole point was to steal these 32 oz cups of soda, with no lids, filled to the brim, that were in this drawer they had. i grabbed mine, spilling most of it, (and freaking out because it was like i was losing thousands of dollars in each drop i spilled for some reason) and when i ran out to the getaway car, the dude left without us!!! i was arrested immediately, and was put in the back seat of a cop car on my way to prison. the entire time in the back seat of the car, i kept SCREAMING how i was just going to commit suicide the moment i had a chance, if they took me to prison.

jesus christ

so, yesterday i was talking to my mom, and she was telling me how i'm not saved, and how i'm not going to to go up in the rapture and stuff with all the christians - and then suddenly we started floating away really slowly and i went up to heaven (cuz' heaven is up) and then i was hanging out with jesus and some other kids that i went to christian high school with and we were playing board games and it was kind of boring and jesus didn't say shit the whole time.