i'm like totally extreme

i purchased a 24 pack of surge at a very high bid on ebay, and yesterday i shotgunned a can WHILE skydiving. i know you're thinking like, "hey that doesn't seem that hard." well let me ask you this: sure, you've shotgunned beers before, but have you ever tried to shot gun soda? it's actually a very difficult task. i'm not really that into soda in the first place, but yesterday i really felt like living on the edge, (i mean like totally big time) that i figured i would be able to handle the incredible rush of sugar in a bunch of carbonated shit. then, i was like - well if i'm going to consume all this sugar, i totally need to skydive. i didn't realize how expensive it was to skydive, but they gave me a discount and a high five for what i was about to try, and it was definitely worth it. let me tell you, like i said, shotgunning soda in general is difficult, not to mention a soda that is as extreme as surge, but to attempt to hold the can level and also then shotgun it - is pretty much an impossible task. to be honest, i just ended up getting really sticky, because after poking the hole, and then opening the can, all the soda just came shooting out of the top. oh well. i bet it looked funny anyway!

how do you learn a story?

i would say the best (and way i prefer) to learn a story, is to read a book while listening to that book on tape, and using my hands for sock puppets. they eat the pages to turn the pages ,and it's a full three dimensional experience. when the sock puppets (which are my hands) turn the pages, they make a high-pitched, unnecessary and overly goofy little voices of "mmmmmmm!" like they really think that page is tasting really good while they're turning the pages, and that part kind of gets annoying after a while cuz' we're like "yeah, yeah we know..." and you kinda get jealous because then you try it, eating the paper yourself is not nearly as good as the sock puppet makes it sound. or you could watch a movie with sub titles.

i bet looking cool is awesome

i think one of the most important things in life, is to look cool when doing things. though, there's a problem. how do you know that you are looking cool when you are doing things? the best way to find out if you look cool in EVERYTHING you do, is to have a camera strapped to your head and out a bit so you can get a good angle and see yourself doing said cool thing from an outside perspective, and at a decent angle. then after you hook all this shit up, you realize "god dammit it is impossible to look cool while wearing this dumb ass shit." you are able to record and study whether or not you look cool, but it is impossible to look cool. so you are studying something that you already know the answer to. what a pain in the ass.

but then again, you always look cool in shades:

(for the uniformed that i am her to inform, those are digital camera sunglasses - nothing is cooler than sunglasses....and nothing is cooler than digital, and less things are cooler than camera.)