Nature is COOL

i love the land of nature. i love the laws of nature. which is completely strange. because i hate laws! "fuck you guvna!" (english). i was walking with nature yesterday. the trees were all singing this weird low "ahhh..." tune. basically, they totally ripped off Liars. i found the rabbit hole. turns out no warping was allowed. i didn't have the key, and it was only a tree. (as you will see). well look at those rhymes. (how silly of me).

the trees were total hippies. giving me peace signs, and i was wondering why they would spend so much time doing that, but one said they really didn't have much else to do and it was a comforting sign, and not of a negative vibe. you see i found out that i had these magical sunglasses, and i could place them on anything alive or dead and they would speak to me! really they would only say delightful things. "good afternoon!" "the sun is smiling today, isn't it sir?" i could do nothing but agree whole heartedly. but now....it's running late. i hope my bike wasn't stolen while i was gone. it's time for happy hours and patios! but the patios are still closed, because it's "sunny and 70 degrees inside" as they claimed. i found this to be a lie.

here's the proof!

our lives are rich in soda

it's a long story as to how it came to this, but last night i ended up with two other dudes ramsacking a gas station at gunpoint. the whole point was to steal these 32 oz cups of soda, with no lids, filled to the brim, that were in this drawer they had. i grabbed mine, spilling most of it, (and freaking out because it was like i was losing thousands of dollars in each drop i spilled for some reason) and when i ran out to the getaway car, the dude left without us!!! i was arrested immediately, and was put in the back seat of a cop car on my way to prison. the entire time in the back seat of the car, i kept SCREAMING how i was just going to commit suicide the moment i had a chance, if they took me to prison.

jesus christ

so, yesterday i was talking to my mom, and she was telling me how i'm not saved, and how i'm not going to to go up in the rapture and stuff with all the christians - and then suddenly we started floating away really slowly and i went up to heaven (cuz' heaven is up) and then i was hanging out with jesus and some other kids that i went to christian high school with and we were playing board games and it was kind of boring and jesus didn't say shit the whole time.